It's kind of ironic that I'm finally motivated to write a post about how unmotivated I've been. I've been really uncomfortable this pregnancy, especially these past few weeks, and I still have 7 weeks to go! Blah! Is it possible for the post partum depression to start now???
It's honestly a struggle some days to just get through the day and accomplish basic tasks like cooking (oh, don't get me started on how much I've come to dread making dinner!), laundry (I HATE my washer!!!!!), and bathing my daughter (getting more and more difficult to lean over the tub and get up from the floor). I also have difficulty balancing and managing my time. I feel guilty if I'm cleaning and doing household chores because I feel like I'm neglecting my daughter. Then, if I'm interacting with her I feel like I'm neglecting the house. I know there is a proper balance, I just have to get over it in my head and just do it.
I have a husband who works his butt off at his job in order to provide for us and so that I can stay home with Emma. He's also a really great, interactive father who is genuinely concerned with the development of our daughter. But, he's not the neatest of people and that makes for a lot of extra work for me. It's been difficult to get him to pitch in a little more since basic things, like doing dishes (darn belly gets in the way of everything) are getting harder and harder to accomplish. It was really nice of him to take her to the Children's Museum this morning so that I could have "a break", but the huge mess left in the kitchen makes it hard for me to relax.
There are so many things I could complain about but that wouldn't be very fun to read, so instead, I'll TRY to write about some positive things.
There has been some progress in getting the baby's (who now has name, Owen) room together. Of course there's still more to do, there always is, but it's nice to be able to walk in there and have space to sit down and sort through clothes and toys.
I won a totally cute, custom made diaper from Doodle Dypes (review coming soon), and the owner, Sandy was nice enough to throw in an extra, newborn diaper for Owen. Awesome! These diapers are so cute and I can't wait until I can put the matching diapers on Emma and Owen.
I have a mentor through a group at church and she's been really great at challenging me to think critically about faith issues. This is something that I've needed for a long time! I really look forward to meeting with her (and not just because I get to go to Starbucks for adult-only time) because she is so kind, caring and knows the Bible better than I do! I think everyone needs a Biblically more mature mentor on their side!
I finally made an appointment with a therapist who specialized in traumatic birth and pre and post natal counselling. Hopefully, now, I can work through the negative feelings I still have from Emma's birth process and find some confidence so I can have a successful VBAC this time. Oh how I want that more than anything IN THE WORLD!!!!
All that being said: I really do have to thank God for a roof over my head, food on the table, a great family and healthy pregnancy and all the other extra things I have that a lot of people don't.
Oh, and I do have a few giveaways coming up. I just have to get up the motivation to get them done, let's hope this is the start of a roll.